In finding myself I hope to find you

i had this title in my drafts since 2015.

that particlar time, i  was at  point in my life where i felt the need to shut everything and everyone out and focus on myself and my spirituality. in that period i needed to be selfish, not chasing anything or anybody…

it was about time, i had time for just myself, to uncover whatever passions, abilities or talent i posessed. i discovered quite a few, and i indulged in almost all.

this here again is about love; i’m sorry i cant write about anything else(hehehe). i could try though.

i asked a friend how one is able to think of a title to something they would write in future and not have a content to it? well his response; ”ways of a writer” (he called me a

i was hopeful i will find ‘the one’ while i’m busy finding myself but i didnt phantom it could take 3 years…!

i had loved and lost, twice, matter of fact. and since they say the third time is a charm.. then this prince charming should just whisk me away to his enchanted castle.(ok,  fairytale moment). But,  if i had to wait three years to fall in love for the third time, its probably the winner.

just saying.


this is how love feels like?

Relationships are difficult

I think of it a lot of times.

I’m thinking about it right now and it’s left me with a terrible headache. Relationships with family and friends get difficult.

I’m misunderstood,

I argue,

I get weary,

I get tired,

I throw my hands in the air and the middle finger too..and it’s easy. It’s so easy to cut a person off because they made you angry or hurt.

But not you😫

And it gets frustrating. The situation is difficult, I want to stay away but I can’t because  staying away makes me uncomfortable, uneasy..

then I’m mad at you for making me feel this way,

then I’m mad at myself for allowing it.

then I want to scream and shout and do all sort of crazy shit!

But then I’m calmed,

As those fierce waves in the middle of the sea calms down upon reaching the shore;

I submit, I apologize, because I want us to go back to how it was before all of this ..!

I’m working for this, for us, for forever.

February 12th thirteenth… 15th

I hated February the 14th, we’ve had this bad connection since ever.. It just happened that on 14/02 I was either single or in a bad relationship. It was actually the time period I became more aware of my singlehood or again how much I needed to exit a terrible relationship because I deserved better.

Seeing happy couples some how peeved me.. Bae got me this… A picture of boo’s gift blah blah! Was infuriating oh lawd!

So here was one strategy I deviced.. In order not to see happy couple posts and quotes, silly single’s skit and photo quotes on the internet.. Or people I barely even like, calling or texting me…I just stayed home or got busy busy with basically nothing and then switch off my phone from the night of 13/02 to the morning of 15/02 (yaas babe!)

I can quite remember the feeling on such mornings. I was so fulfilled. Like I conquered Goliath (ahahah).I survived a valentines day. Lol

That was then when I fully didn’t understand exactly how I had to show love and reach to people who feel less loved. Human beings are selfish.. Only seeking to gratify the self hence everything is all about “me”.. Me.. Me… What are you getting for me? what are you gonna do to show me love? buy me this, make me happy and get me that, to the extent that even the day set aside to show love is still about “me”

Love is huge! We limit it when shared only with a person and then wanting something in return for the love given. Love has to be shown to an entire people unconditionally

We can grasp this concept looking at Christ that he so loved the world he gave his only son. He didn’t love the world because he was going to get something back(gift) neither did giving away his son to be crucified was to gratify himself.. It was for the greater good!

I enjoyed 14/02 today. For the first time In forever. people I have never met or heard off showed me such warm love that blew my mind and of course from my beloved too.

It didn’t have to be gifts… A few kind and loving words was just enough.

I’m looking forward to next valentine’s

Just. Keep. Writing.

Victoria (V.E.) Schwab

Hey there, lovelies!

I know it’s been awhile since I posted. I’ve spent the last few months buried under deadlines and finishing up coursework–so far this year I’ve gone to grad school, and written and edited THREE books, all coming out next year–and getting ready to head back to Nashville.

But in the slivers of space between, I’ve been reflecting a lot–about writing, publishing, advice–and I wanted to talk about a piece of advice that I know seems trite, but is honestly the best I can give. I’ll try to explain why.

Five years into my publishing career, I finally feel like I have my feet under me, and because of that, I’m often asked for advice.

When writers–aspiring, debut, and established–ask for insight, I always say, “Just keep writing.”

And I know that sounds like a very Dory thing to say, but the fact of the matter is, if…

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“Title Needed”

Am writing this piece after days of putting my ideas on paper as 1. I wasn’t getting a title and 2. It kept erasing from my iPad. (Don’t try to think how that’s possible because myself, I don’t have it figured out)I still don’t have a title.Matter of fact I didn’t want to post this anymore but I put in time and effort to get it together so… Here goes nothing.

At a moment one person can mean the whole world to you and at another,you will chose the world over that one. ”Where have you been all my life?” Could be a question you would ask yourself when you meet that one who makes your heart miss a beat. But when this person continually causes your heart to be missing beats the question changes to “why didn’t you stay in hiding ”

There’s a thin line between love and hate. A cliche we know which has come to lose its full meaning but until it’s happened to you. And when it does you will be fully blown away by the switch. At least I

But in reality that line isn’t thin at all. In fact it’s the Great Wall of China between love and hate  ( might seem am contradicting myself but read on). That wall becomes invisible as time passes by and we decide to accommodate the people who hurt us in our lives. We give them 2nd, 3rd sometimes up to the millionth chances to redeem themselves and return to the adorable person we fell in love with. At this point we are no more in love with the person ,rather in love with who and what they used to be. Day after day we compensate the good old days with the bad events presently taking place. The relationship now becomes an arithmetic, where their negatives cancels out some positive points they gained in the past. We put in extra at making things work and hang on some hope that things are going to eventually work. Why? Because they show us some light ahead of the tunnel, some hope, but this flickering light don’t fully communicate to us what the other person wants and sends mixed signals. We put in much more work into the relationship however nothing changes.Until we begin to feel like a hamster on some wheels. These wheels are turned all day everyday; a lot of work but no progress. the real reason is the other person we are involved in isn’t even lifting a finger and it looks like we are the only ones wanting the relationship. Occasionally they will see the effort and give a little relieve of change..which doesn’t last. Then like that hamster we are caged and trapped working on a situation that is already broken. We can’t leave because then all the time and energy would have been a total waste..and we can’t stay because we are not happy. (And that’s a bad place to be)  the hate then commences. We blame them for the situation we are in but honestly the blame is on us.

So you will agree with that popular line that it takes a short while to fall in love but a longer while to fall out of love. Well I don’t agree. It takes the same amount of time to fall in love to fall back out we just need to stop giving second chances and trying to put shuttered pieces together and save ourselves the hate drama.

Take for instance this friend of mine whose girlfriend would give any absurd reason to break up with him.. Dee you too young let’s break up. You still in school I can’t be with you. You walk too fast so we don’t have any connection bye. Like Dee really it’s clear this girl is wasting your time! You should have left at break up no1 lol

Now there’s something I learnt in my area of business (may seem funny but it’s really practicable in circumstances like this.) it’s the methods of risk management ; either tolerate, treat, transfer or terminate. In every business venture either one method or the other is used in managing business risk taking into consideration specific actors.

But in relationships I will preach it’ as a process.

First tolerate, the word is tolerate not endure. Initial part of tolerating is accepting the problem and taking steps to find a lasting solution. Then treat, how do you do that…simply increase the pool of people you spend time new people, talk to old friend preferably of the opposite sex(lol..they are called the opposite sex for a reason😜) next stage is transfer. If it were a business, risk is transferred to a third party such as an insurance company but in our relationship transferring risk is either to their friends or side pieces (mostly at this point they might have made that transfer by themselves leave them) allow a third party to bare your “risk”😆. Next.. Is to terminate and yeah in literal sense. Just let go! The end is not suppose to be a process (it’s not the second coming of Jesus) the more we make the end a process the more we give others the permission to freely toy with our emotions and difficult to take the walk

the last thing pray.

God is a better listener.


I had this blog started about five days ago. coming to terms with the reality of the situation and circumstances surrounding my life, plus its a Sunday morning, I’m up to nothing,just laying in bed and being lazy, and so it seems to be the right time to put a couple of thoughts to words.

”fool proof” hmm… ”fudge”…. well this is not a write-up on how to prepare the savory. it’s what I have become over time.I have experienced a lot of things in life. I will call them trials..yes. I succeeded through it all over the period and I have come to understand why and how I can experience inner peace and joy as and when these trials arise.

In my relationship with family and friends, my daily dealings and activities I have KNOWN betrayal, hurt, pain, and anger. some of these emotions happen one after the other and at some its been put in a blender and prepared as a smoothie, it all comes rushing together. I get stressed, depressed, and totally shuttered..until my moment of epiphany came and I thought to myself.but why do I have to allow certain people and circumstances dictate my emotions and bring me to this tons and tons of self-pity and ill feeling supermarket. I needed joy, I needed peace, God needed that for me too.I  prayed, I cried, I asked Him to take away all this hurt and pain, I wanted it all to go because it felt lik I was in bondage. I was a prisoner at a prison cell I created and punished  myself for things other people did wrong. But how can I do this to myself??  I can’t control how people act towards me but YES I can control how I react.I choose freedom I break my prison walls ..i don’t want to be punished for people’s dishonesty and  shrewdness.

I came out a foolproof, am saving for serenity each day as it goes by because this not only what I want but what God had promised me.

“now may the peace of God that surpasses all understanding be with you now and always “